Anxiety

The closer graduation is, the more anxious I become. I'm going to be a REAL doctor. People will depend on me. Do you know HOW TERRIFYING this is? I guess a bit of fear is healthy. It keeps you honest and prevents you from doing something stupid like some of my maverick classmates. I can't help but wonder what internship will really be like. Will I continue to love medicine as I have in medical school? Will my emotions get the best of me (I mean really, I cried when Sanjaya was voted off American Idol last night...and I didn't even like Sanjaya)? Will I get too attached to my patients? Can you really get too attached to patients? All of these and many more thoughts run through my head.

I'm on vacation now. I've done quite a bit of yard work. I dug up my dad's garden and planted grass on my grandma's grave. Couldn't go without some fresh flowers too. How Grandma loved flowers. Hard to believe she has been gone for over a year though she had really been gone for several years before her death. I miss the grandma of my youth and how hard it will be to go through graduation without her.

I seem so melancholy today. I'm not sure why...just sort of sad. Maybe it's PMS or the rain outside or both. I just feel blah. Perhaps this picture says it all....I'm contemplating my future. What path will it take?



Enough gloom for today.....Hopefully the sun will come out later today!